Bitter Immortality
by minoru1
Summary: Against the promise of life, what would Rin pay for the orice of her love? SessRin. A bit dark.


**Bitter Immortality** A SessXRin Oneshot

**Disclaimer**: InuYasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz, I'm just some poor writer enslaved by the plot bunnies.

**Warning**: Unlike my previous one-shots, this one will be a bit dark. I do not in any way approve of suicide, it is for me the coward's way but it works as a good plot device for this story so I'm using it.

**Bitter Immortality**

**By Vayne**

She gasped as the knife plunged down deeply, and without hesitation on the soft flesh of her belly. She arched against the ancient Sakura tree behind her back, her lips falling open into a soundless cry of agony as the blade ripped cleanly from her sternum to her belly, slicing through both fabric and flesh. Tears of pain gathered into the corners of her eyes as she fought the urge to make a sound. Her hands had suddenly turned clammy and the blood seeping between them had made her grip on the jeweled blade slippery.

The cool night air brought a cascade of delicate pink petals down to rain on her as she struggled for air. She smiled despite herself, remembering how she once thought herself like one of those flowers… noble, delicate, precious.

But she was simply Rin.

Little innocent Rin whom others have manipulated all these years.

She found she could not summon more than a few drops of tears against the pain. Maybe she ran out of them already since she had been doing precious little of anything these past few days but weep her heart out. She knew that he knew about it, but he chose not to comment. His canine nose could smell anything for miles and his hearing is sharper than anything else. Like always he chose not to do anything.

The knife slid with a sucking sound as her strength left her fingers and she felt it fall to the side, to be swallowed by the thick grass growing by the roots of the ancient gnarled tree. Like her, it would lay forgotten, as the centuries would roll by.

"I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru-sama" she whispered softly into the night, her tears finally falling to make cold tracks on her cheeks. The pain has started to recede as consciousness started to escape her. The feeling of coldness is seeping into her very bones and she had the vague feeling of being detached from her body.

_Anytime soon now they will start coming for her_.

Her head lolled down as the strength left her body. Darkness creeped around her vision and she succumbed to the non-feeling.

_Perhaps I would be forgiven_.

…oOo…

Consciousness started to return by degrees.

It was the pain that gave it away. Sharp and needle-like, the feeling of life coming back from a long dead limb came to her. With a gasp, her eyes flew open only to close back from the searing light that greeted her. She cried out as the pain pierced her eyelids, wishing she was back into the land of the unconscious.

She felt something cold press against her lips, urging it to open. She kept them tightly closed even knowing how futile it was. A hand pried open her jaw forcefully and she felt liquid flood her mouth.

"Swallow" his grave voice was frightening as he closed her mouth with his steely hand. She automatically downed the cold liquid, feeling the pressure leave her cheeks. She coughed up weakly as she half-opened her lids. The sun was bright against the horizon and sent cheery rays to bequeath everything with its healing warmth. She groaned softly, disgusted, knowing that he would ask her. Now.

"Get up" it was surprising to hear that note of irritation in his voice. Unbidden, it sent her a surge of pride to know that she could get a rise out of him. She licked her dry lips as she willed her limbs to respond to his command. Always to his command.

It was like she lost her will all over again.

She grimaced as she struggled upright, using the tree trunk to brace herself. She wiped at the sweat that formed on her brow from the exertion. He watched her with those cold, golden eyes of his. Jaken twittered at the edge of the clearing, his eyes looking anywhere but at her. She winced as she realized how much verbal abuse she'd get from this one.

"Let's go." He turned away from her. Yet as he moved gracefully, there was a tightening in his features that Rin couldn't interpret.

_Wait! Where was the scolding she was going to get? Wouldn't he even ask why she did it?_

"No." she didn't know where she got the strength to answer. She merely stood leaning against the tree, watching the demon lord as he started to stride away from her.

He stopped when he felt she wasn't following him. Without glancing at her, he spoke once again.

"Rin, Let's go."

"I said no." she said quietly, knowing he could hear her. She was not going back to the shiro. She was not going to be some play thing and she is loathe to be set aside as a mere curiosity, an exercise in his prerogative.

"No?" he echoed her, his gaze finally turning to fix on her. It was unsettling to be the object of his attention and she couldn't help but look away from the intensity of his gaze.

"No." she reiterated, twisting the tattered cloth of her soiled kimono. "Let me go." She pleaded to him, her heart wrenching at her own words.

"No." his voice wasn't loud, but it was sharp and held every bit of his commanding presence.

She stood unmoving from her spot waiting for him to make his move.

They stood locked like that for a long minute.

_He wouldn't let me go. Why wouldn't he let me go?_ The blood loss made her sway on her feet and she clutched at the bark of the tree to steady herself. Instantly he was beside her, holding her steady with his one hand. She wanted to melt unto him but that would only make matters worse. She could not ever take his rejection. Ever.

She gasped as he circled his arm around her, and in another movement they were launched into the air. She clutched at his chest as the ground blurred at the speed that he was going. At another time she would have welcomed the exhilarating ride but right now she felt sick to her stomach.

He stopped abruptly, and they landed gracefully on a rocky ledge. Her wobbly knees couldn't hold her weight anymore and she fell down with a barely suppressed oomph. Sesshoumaru regarded her with narrowed eyes and she felt the anger radiating from him in waves.

She was struck with the absurdity of the situation. He was clearly fuming, dying to strike her dead for openly defying him in front of the toad, yet he couldn't do anything but stare her down. She thought she should cringe a bit, or appear to be the least bit afraid of his temper but she found she didn't care.

_I want him to get rid of me, right?_

A soft chuckle escaped from her throat. Her hand flew to her mouth to suppress her mirth but a bit of the laughter still came out. The taiyoukai raised an elegant brow at her strange behavior, clearly perplexed that he couldn't get the reaction he expected. He growled.

"Why do you defy this Sesshoumaru?" there was venom in his voice that had the laughter dying in her throat.

She blinked owlishly at him, as if seeing him for the first time. It was the first time he ever spoke to her like that. Not that it struck fear in her heart, no. It felt different. Odd.

"I don't know"

He snarled, picking her up by the front of her kimono. She cried out as his claws dragged through both cloth and skin. She stared up to his luminous amber depths feeling like a cornered rabbit. She hadn't felt like this since the last time with the wolves.

He was taken aback by the fear that widened in her eyes the moment he lunged at her. He wanted to shake her up, to drag that annoying close-mouthed persona that had grown in her overnight out.

_She was his_.

"Why?" the sudden drop in his tone surprised her.

"Why?" she echoed him, swallowing painfully against the lump in her throat.

"Why. Are. You. Acting. Like. This?" he ground out each word with a small tightening in his hold. She winced as blood started to trickle down her collarbone, soaking her soiled kimono once more.

"Nothing! Everything!" she choked out as she clawed at his hand, desperation fueling her to fight against him.

"This Sesshoumaru is not amused." He ground out, slackening his hold enough to let her fall back on the ground hard.

"Amused?" she croaked out, pulling at the cloth against her throat. "That's all I ever will be, right? Some form of amusement for you."

The look he gave her would have been purely comical if not for the gravity of the situation. He looked like she had grown another head.

"Stop this nonsense."

"Hai Sesshoumaru-sama, right away Sesshoumaru-sama, of course Sesshoumaru-sama" she mocked him as she parted the strings that held her kimono closed. She undid the obi as well, sliding the folds deftly until the tattered cloth fell away completely from her.

"What are you doing?" his hand caught hers, effectively stopping her from going any further.

"They are filthy" she answered with a stubborn glare of her own.

"Stop this!" his breath came out harshly. "You are acting like a foolish child."

"But I am a child, you said so yourself." She mocked him "Didn't you?"

"Yet you are not my child" the cryptic remark made her flinch with its coldness. He turned his back from her as she slipped out of the torn kimono, wincing as she peeled off the filthy outer layer. The blood was still damp from where she had stabbed herself the previous night before and it seeped through the white cloth of her inner robe.

"This is the eight time Rin" he whispered hoarsely, suddenly feeling very tired and old. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

"Because I want you to let me go, let me end everything once and for all" she answered just as tiredly. "I will not… I want to… "

"You know this Sesshoumaru will not do that" he ground out "I will not… cannot let you go." He turned to face her, the sunlight reflecting back from his golden eyes. Eight times this month alone had he revived her with the use of Tensaiga. It was futile, yet she still tried to take her life again and again.

"If you run, this Sesshoumaru will follow" he took a step towards her, pulling her to her feet.

"If you hide, this Sesshoumaru will hunt you" he tilted her face so she would look at him directly. She couldn't turn away from him, even if she wanted to. Eyes clashed against one another, his golden to her own chocolate ones.

"And if you die, this Sesshoumaru will bring you back to life." He said with finality. She turned away from him, sorrow reflective of the shaking on her shoulders.

"I will not see you with another."

"And I" he murmured softly "will not see you walk away from me."

"If I have to bring you back over and over again for the next decade or so, then this Sesshoumaru will do so. Or until you get the idea that you are not allowed to leave without my consent."

"Damn you!" she shrieked at him, flinging herself away from his hold. "Why are you doing this to me? WHY WOULD YOU NOT GRANT ME MY RELEASE?!"

"You are mine. MINE!" he was fairly snarling now as well, his youki starting to bleed red from his eyes. The wind had clearly picked up as well, rising around them in waves that whipped at their hair and clothes.

"If you cannot have me then let me go. Give me this last remnant of pride for myself, my lord." she said quietly.

"This Sesshoumaru will not do so." He answered just as quietly "No matter how many times he has tried during the last month, he simply cannot."

He approached her, raising her face to look at him once more. He was surprisingly gentle amidst the strong force that radiated unabatedly from him.

"Do you know why it took this Sesshoumaru many hours this time to revive you?" she gazed apprehensively at him. Yes, she clearly remembered that it was midnight when she attempted it last night and she woke up late morning. Normally it would only take him an instant to revive her.

"You were considering granting me my wish?" she said wonderingly, awe apparent in her voice.

"Yes" he replied, heaving a sigh. "I was waiting for the last instant, trying to see if I could let the collectors get you."

"Don't you understand Rin? This Sesshoumaru cannot and will not let you go."

"To accept your demise would be to kill a part of myself." _The part that believes in the goodness of this world. The part that was still untainted from the blood of thousands that have lost their lives from my deadly claws_.

"Then where would you place me? Where do I stand?" she asked bravely

"Right here. Right before this Sesshoumaru's eyes."

"I see." she dropped her gaze, closing the scant distance between the two of them. She raised her arms to circle his waist, her cheek dropping to his chest. "then I accept this immortality."

A/N:

smiles it's a relief to finally write something different from the usual sap. I hope you guys liked it. I wrote this in between making chapter six of _Project Wings_. It took me about three hours but I finally got this plot bunny out of my system (been jumping around since yesterday). This is un-beta-ed and most likely would have some mistakes (I lost my beta to the world of work a long time ago). I guess I'd proofread it sometime in the future. Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism is welcome!


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